Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
