"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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