how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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