I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
barbara walters just said penis...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
