I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
