Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
