It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
