My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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