I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
