I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
