I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
