His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
