I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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