operation harelip BJ is a go
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
