dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
