Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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