do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Farmville is her only friend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
