We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
