did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
