There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
