She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
