Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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