I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
how does that bad decision feel?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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