I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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