Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
