the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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