i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
