Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
