we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
