I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
