Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
