I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
