I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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