I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
