im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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