I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This house was built for laser tag.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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