my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
