Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
