help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
