I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm too high and old for this...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
