i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
