At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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