I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My penis needs a shock collar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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