i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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