4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
