it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
as a side note pls kill me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
