What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
