I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
