i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
