I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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